How to Be Single #2: Shoutout to Yuval
Guys. I think my emotions are finally here, and I don't like it. Take them away.
On a different note I had quite a lousy day. I went to the gym, was hyper aware of all women in it and questioning to what extent we get sexualised. I thought breaking up would improve those kinds of thoughts but it has just made me more scared of other people and how they view the world. In my relationship, not all the time, but a lot of the time I felt happy in my bubble of viewing people as human, and feeling beautiful and not like people lusted after me or others. Self-assured is what I can call it to some extent.
That was quite difficult. I have become more aware of my body and my insecurities with it. And just feel more insecure about my appearance over all. I can deal with that though (I think).
An amazing stranger emailed me today (shoutout Yuval) and gave me the advice to delete the dating apps, and so I did. I feel a lot calmer about that now thankfully as well. Break-ups just hurt, and they suck.
It is not getting better yet, it is honestly just getting sadder and sadder, everyday I feel like I am missing something in my life. I just cannot imagine my life a different way, and I am forced to do so because of this stupid thing called "having self respect" and "not tolerating people breaking your boundaries"... God I wish I was a people pleaser and a goddamn pushover, then at least I wouldn't be alone.
jk.
Or am I?
No I am kidding. This sucks, but I need to work on myself. I have been reading reddit posts to see if there are actually people who have a same concept of commitment as I do, and it turns out that there are people like that. I just don't know what the chances are of me actually finding someone. For now I don't want to though. I want to be alone for a while, to not date yaknow.
These blogsposts are actually really nice to make for me. To get my thoughts out. I keep forgetting real people read them, that makes me feel awkward. But it also makes me feel connected in a way. If anyone has any advice or insight don't hesitate to reach out.
Oh and also if anyone has the game Big Walk and would want to play hit me up! :)))
send me an email!