Sexual Fantasies Should Not Involve Real People
This past month I have been ruminating on the scope and nature of fantasies, in particular sexual ones. It seems that there is a common conception that fantasising about pleasure and desire in this way is normal. I would largely tend to agree with this statement. However, there is a division within this consensus that divides itself over the usage of "real" people in fantasies. Think for yourself whether you have ever touched yourself to the thought of someone else. Perhaps a coworker, a crush at school, the busdriver, or any other fantasy that suits your needs.
There is something about the usage of real people that are in our near vicinities that discombobulates me. It was Immanuel Kant who said we should never treat people as means to an end, and would it not be precisely what we are doing when we willingly imagine a particular individual to play such a central role in our minds?
My opinion is of the following: I believe there is a significant amount of people that justify fantasies purely on the basis of their hypersexuality or fixation on sexualisation and objectification, to the point where fantasy and pleasure become mere compulsion as opposed to sexual exploration. While I do not think we should ever willingly engage with fantasies of such a sort without someone else's consent, I believe that fantasies can also be a tool to engage precisely with becoming more comfortable in your own desires, likes and dislikes. Granted of course that it does not involve the blatant objectification of an individual, where the particular is merely seen as a pornographic image.
I believe many would disagree with me, stating that it is completely normal to fantasise about real people. Well to that I would say, just because something is normalised, does not mean that it is okay. I think it is time for our minds, so centered around selfish sexual gratification, to instead shift focus to genuine sexual pleasure and exploration.