Why do we create out of heartache, and not out of love?
I think what I find funny, is that I always used to be the type of person that only made art when I was feeling any type of negative emotion. It wasn't until I went to an abramovic exhibition that I realised I don't want to do that. So I started creating things out of my good feelings, mostly from the love I had in my relationship. I made my ex a little zine for his 21st birthday. I wrote about the good, and also the bad. But I was able to create out of positivity, out of the love I had for him.
I suppose I find it interesting then, that he never did that himself. Most of the blogs he wrote were personal, which makes sense I suppose to some degree, there are some mentions of me sometimes, but he did not even write a full post on my birthday, which honestly if it were me, I think I would not be able to shut up about writing about what I had planned for him and what we did. Even when I wrote in my personal notebook, a lot of it was filled with excitement and love about him. I suppose he never did realise that though.
I saw that he posted recently. A writing piece about me, and possibly other thoughts he has been having. Well I assume so at least because who else would he be missing (lol)? I guess that is the issue I have with it though. That his heartache is stronger than the love he had for me. That he expresses the negative and never the positive. That his expression harbors fully on the self. It is a release of emotion, a method to ease angst and sadness, never was it a confirmation of love, never was it selfless, for me. I suppose that was the issue of the love he had for me. It was always for him.
You said you'd create a 100 songs for me. You just started a little too late.
ps. I forgot I made tea a few hours ago. Some things just don't change I guess